Growth Begins When Perfection Ends

The world always expected perfection.

For as long as we can remember, we are pushed to always strive for perfection. We need to do things according to the standards, expectations, and well—perfection. Flaws and mistakes are pretty much unacceptable and rejected by society at large. There is this fear that being imperfect and making mistakes will create judgment or ostracism in our lives. But how true is it?

The Reality of Perfection

In reality, this ‘perfect world’ is fictional. Why? Because perfection is subjective and it’s mostly in our head. Yes, we have universal standards, mostly made by another human that we usually integrate into our own. But the fact that it’s all in our head still rings true, though our brain likes relatability which makes it feel as if it’s a universal thing.

Another thing is, nobody actually cares about the perceived perfections or flaws that we believe in. Most people are also fixated on their own perceptions and they will notice their own flaws more than yours. Some people have shit in their mouth, yes, meaning that they will say some nasty and rude things to others. But usually it’s not about your actual flaws, it’s their own projected insecurities. So the next time someone says nasty stuff at you, see it as their problem not yours.

Filtering Out The Standards

It’s good to have standards, but not all standards are good. There are two types of standards: the ones that serve and the ones that discourage. That is why it’s important to filter out which one is which. Keeping the ones that discourage you will only bring you down in the long run. Ever feel like you will never be good enough for yourself? The feeling of being your own greatest enemy? That’s because you keep the bad standards and treat it like goals, which turn into insecurities because well, most bad standards were created to be unreachable.

When you stop and observe yourself, you’ll notice a pattern in your thinking and behavior. You’ll notice that your insecurities stem from those standards that you struggle to reach, not because you’re not enough, but because it’s just unrealistic. Then look outside where the standard stems from, usually the reality is not as amazing as you think it is. Take that smart kid in your class who always had an A on paper as an example. You might think ‘Oh, that kid is smart. I can never be as smart as them.’ because you got a B instead. But the truth? Perhaps that kid studied more, perhaps they never got the chance to play as much as you do. Or maybe they suck at something that you’re good at. And almost definitely there are things that you could do that the smart kid couldn’t.

But the point here isn’t comparison, because comparison will never make you feel better. It’s knowing that everyone has different skills and abilities, that includes you. You just have to dig deeper into yourself to find it.

This is where sitting with yourself and asking yourself the hard question is important. We humans tend to focus on the negative, especially when it comes to ourselves. Take a piece of paper or a notepad and a pen, then write down these things:

• Your strength
• Your flaws
• Your expectations and desire

Easy enough, right? But now what?

The Magic (and Truth) of Reflections

This is where most people fail at reflections, they just write things as instructed and then don’t know what to do next. The truth is, you really need to face yourself to write it all out. The bad, the ugly, and the things you don’t want to admit you have. This is what they called ‘facing the shadows’, because you will feel uncomfortable when facing the side of you that you reject. So don’t just write the things you’re comfortable to write out, because the secret lies in the things you’re afraid to admit. So take your time, take it easy, and make sure you’re comfortable even if the bad part of yourself makes you feel otherwise.

When you’re done, put the paper down and breathe. People fail when they try to get rid of the things they don’t like about themselves, but the key is not oppression. It’s acceptance.

Self Mastery is Acceptance

Self-mastery doesn’t just come from changing yourself, it comes from accepting yourself. Everyone has something they don’t want to admit and your flaws are not something you should be ashamed of. Take as much time as you need to reflect and accept those before going to the next step. If you feel ready, try to look at your strengths and really think about it. I don’t want you to focus on just that because you need to balance it out with your flaws. Tell yourself this: “I’m bad at X but I’m really good at Y. So, which of my expectations and desires doesn’t fit my strengths and flaws?”

This is the crucial part where you filter out the standards that you have but doesn’t fit you or is just too unrealistic. Everyone has them because we always take something from the world and make it ours, standards included. But it doesn’t always belong to us nor that it serves us any good. It will become obvious which one belongs to you and which is not, and you can usually track where you get those standards from. After you’re happy with the things you take out, keep the old standards that fit you while also adding new standards based on the strengths and flaws you have. Now you have a clear idea on what you’re good at, your flaws, and a new set of standards you can follow.

The last part you can follow is taking a look at your flaws again and see which one is possible to mitigate. You need to know which flaws are unchangeable and which one is. Having unchangeable flaws doesn’t mean you’re broken or too flawed, it just means it’s a part of you that you need to accept. And trust me when I say everyone has them in different ways.

After you identify which flaws are unchangeable, don’t try to change them. What you need to do is find ways to mitigate those flaws without stressing yourself out. This is why acceptance is important because here, it’s not about how you can change your flaws into strengths. It’s how you can mitigate your lack using reason. The moment you try to change it, you fail the self-mastery because you will be back to chasing perfection. As for the flaws you can change, you can try to change them slowly but remember that you’re doing it for your own growth rather than any outside forces. And of course, you can always strive to upgrade your strength so you can always utilize them better than before.

Growth is when perfection ends

This is where perfection crumbles. You don’t strive for anything perfect anymore, but you are striving to be the best version that fits you. Perfection wants universality, which is impossible because everyone is different. By knowing in which area your strength is, what your flaws are, only keeping the set of standards that will serve your growth, and accepting the flaws that you used to reject, you will find that you don’t have to be your own worst enemy and become your own greatest ally instead.

Growth happens not when you try to be someone else, following their standards, or chasing perfection. But rather after you know yourself better and notice your own patterns. And the best thing about this is the fact that there is no deadline to this. None of those ‘you must succeed before 25’ or ‘if you’re not independent by 30, you fail at life’ bullshit. Life is a journey and you need to accept that it’s not milestones that define who you are, it’s the process that will always be ongoing until the day you leave Earth. Accept that you are students for life and there is no end goal other than not regretting anything on your deathbed at the end of your days.

Remember that nobody is perfect. Not me, not you. And accepting yourself is one of the most potent ways to lead a more content and peaceful life.